Respect yourself. Not only is this the HARDEST thing to do, it's the easiest thing to forget about in the ebb and flow of life. I have been sick with the nastiest nastiness for the past 4 days and it has become clear that I have not been respecting myself. Funny how things come to the surface when you are crumpled in the fetal position in your bed for 36 hours, not eating or sleeping, rather begging for forgiveness for whatever sin you committed to deserve such punishment. But I digress...
So, what do I really mean about respecting yourself? It is not a one size fits all definition. However, I am slowly figuring out what it means to me. I am a little annoyed that it has taken me 40 years to figure it out but here I am, lying in bed, in the dark, writing this because in the struggle to pull together clothes for tomorrow I have had a moment of clarity. When I am stressed, I give up on me. Everything and everyone becomes a priority and I don't take care of my needs. What I want is to not forget to find value in who I am, especially when life gets messy. This past year has been very difficult. To combat the stress, I ate anything and everything and 7 months later I have gained 25 pounds. Talk about disrespect! Now, none of my clothes fit and I feel ashamed and embarrassed to leave the house. All of this because I forgot to remind myself that I matter too. No donut, pizza, bar of chocolate or frappuchino is more important than my happiness. These things do not fix problems, they only create another that is silently waiting on the other side.
It is time. Time to remind myself that I have value. I deserve to be happy and do not have to push my needs aside anymore. Tomorrow, I will wake up and return to my classroom full of kinders. With me I will bring my coffee, my Clorox wipes ('cause we need to sanitize the crap outta that room) and my self respect. Lather, rinse and repeat.
